Time to revive the Laszlo letters

Watching TV the other night, and some ridiculous furniture store ad comes on. For reasons that I can't quite follow, they're calling their current event "Octoberfast." I say to wife, "Octoberfast? We also call that Ramadan." This gets a boff. Then it occurs to me that we should write said furniture store, posing as outraged muslims, demanding that their scandalous attempts to commercialize our holy month be put to an end at once. And just for good measure, we will demand that they also pay us restitution in furniture. In fact, we will insist that they give us an Ottoman.