The Olympics?

As usual, I am completely unable to get into the Summer Olympics, and it's not just because NBC's coverage is its standard quadrennial suckfest of human interest stories, travelogues of Greece, Bob Costas and Al Trautwig. (Someone wrote to Velonews that Trautwig's coverage of gymnastics made his work on the Tour de France seem much better in comparison.) NBC, despite having greatly increased the coverage, doesn't believe we're interested in the sports, and that the only athletes we could possibly care about must have a star-spangled patch somewhere on their spandex. We were watching some track elimination event last night, and their total focus was on an American guy who came in fourth -- since only the top two advanced, this was the same as not finishing. What did NBC tell me about the guy who won? The guy who must be one of the fastest athletes in the world? They mentioned his name in passing. That's it.

They have never trusted their audience to care about the sports. It's about cute teenage girls, hardship stories and all the other crap they fill the airtime with. In the meantime, if you wanted to watch the actual sports events? Well, you'd better get real busy with your VCR and a programming guide. Though this year they DID apparently broadcast the kayaking and canoeing events -- which they didn't at Sydney.

I'm also all about the little mini-movement out there in commentaryland to get rid of judged events. If you can't measure it or count up clear points, then let's stop kidding around about it. Yes, I know that would include diving, which I enjoy watching, but it's a small price to pay to get rid of the gymnastics and, in the winter, all the goddamn ice dancing. I want to make this clear: we must stop the ice dancing. Hey -- my ability to type 90 words per minute took years of training, too. Doesn't make it a sport. Though if it were a sport, it'd be something you could measure.

Whatever happened to that experiment where they just broadcast the sporting event, put the scores on the screen, and shut the hell up?

Oh, christ, my allergies have turned me into Lewis Black! Sorry, folks. Time for more Benadryl.